Not too long ago, I mindlessly turned down a street that I NEVER travel to reach my daily destinations. I was just driving down the road, like I do EVERY morning, and WITHOUT thinking ... and at the LAST possible SAFE moment ... I turned down this seldom-traveled road.
Okay. I'm thinking that I'm not QUITE sure why I did THAT, but change is good; right? And then I ran right SMACK into this sign. So I had to turn around. Stop. And take THIS picture:
I won't go so far as to say that this experience was divine intervention ... but I truly believe that I was supposed to drive that route ... that I was supposed to see this message. I'm still not quite sure what the message is, but I feel certain that when I'm supposed to understand it, the message will become crystal clear.
But in the meantime, this seemingly insignificant discovery has made me think. It has made me think about all kinds of things. And I wonder if I'm alone in my thinking. Am I the only "unsettled" middle-age wife, mother and daughter who is questioning whether or not I'm headed in the right direction? Am I the only one who questions if the path I have chosen in my lifetime will lead to undying love, happiness and success? Am I supposed to be "here" ... where I am right now? And am I headed toward a place where I want to be ... for my own personal reasons, and not to satisfy an obligation to or an expectation of someone else?
Or EVEN worse! Have I become so buried and overwhelmed in the daily responsibilities and obligations that go along with being a wife and a mother that I neglect to wonder "What If?" Have I become so complacent and so comfortable with my current state of being that I've lost myself? Have I become so overwhelmed by the obstacles that I have given up on ever finding a way around the barriers?
and I ask myself:
What If I had paid better attention in school? What If I had actually studied and applied myself? What If I had followed my head instead of my heart, even way back then?
What If I had listened to my Grandfather when he explained to me how a GFI circuit worked ... AND What If I had watched just a little more closely when he showed me how to wire it into a receptacle? What If I had known then that he would not be around to show me again when I really needed to know how?
What if I did not choose the Path of Least Resistance when that choice and that path was so critical to my future happiness and success? What If I had not settled and What If I had not sold out all those many years ago?
AND MAYBE THE MOST CRITICAL OF ALL:
What If the planets are now aligned in my favor and the cosmic void is screaming at me: "Wake up, Stupid! This is your call! Get to work!" ?
So NOW I'm thinking that Middle Age is a fantastic impetus for accomplishing goals and making difficult & painful decisions. Time marches on ... Life rarely grants us a "Do-Over" ... and if something is to be done, it MUST be done now ... or at least within a reasonable & foreseable future.
and What If this license plate is trying to tell me something, too?
I have been told that walls are built to define who we are and what we can achieve in our lifetime. We are who we are ... but we can only become who we are based upon the definitions of these walls. And I believed that. For a long time, for a life-time, I trusted this notion ... just like I trust sight-unseen that there is a merciful God in Heaven. I trust that sunshine will eventually shine through the dark clouds, and I pray that good people are rewarded for good deeds and forgiven for their sins.
But now I wonder about the insignificant and random cosmic signs that appear out of nowhere -- in the parking lot when I'm JUST paying the cell phone bill or on the side of a road that I rarely travel down, on a morning when I begin to question who I am and where I'm going and what I can achieve in the second half of my life. Are these signs scattered for me to find in some fabulous treasure hunt, a beacon of sorts to guide me along? Or are these only random coincidences in a life that is powered soley on auto-pilot? I hope so ... and I hope not.
And I am intriqued ... no, MESMERIZED by the underlying current of subconscious decisions and encounters that are taking me to places I don't recognize. These random cosmic signs and chance experiences are requiring me to trust myself and to rely on my instincts and to believe in myself, another auto-pilot, if you will ... for the first time in my life.
It never ceases to amaze me how significant the insignificant can be
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